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The name “Najar” according to my Assyrian heritage means “carpenter,” and true to form, my father was a carpenter – not by trade but simply because he could make, or fix, anything. Not surprisingly, that skill has always held great appeal for me in the opposite sex – I always felt attracted to and safer with, a man who was good with his hands. In late 2005, after breaking off a love affair that was heading south, I found myself moving back to my own home which I had rented out. My decision to move back home was also fortuitous for my 94 year old father who was no longer able to care for himself and asked if he could come live with me. I was thrilled and in short order we became housemates. Living with Dad had its share of stresses because of his failing health, but we relished our time together – and created so many wonderful memories – that it was a great blessing for us both. He died in May 2007 with the words, “thank you, thank you!” on his lips. Though he had suffered many losses in his life, including the early unforeseen deaths of my brother and sister, he treasured me and told me so every day. I had gotten used to having Dad here and six weeks after his death I realized I wanted a housemate. So one sunny June morning I sat down and thought about what I was looking for: easy-going, sense of humor, loves animals, takes good care of their surroundings and themselves, kind, enjoys music but isn’t loud, spiritually inclined, light drinker if at all, quiet, and helpful – someone like my Dad. Naturally because of space limitations, I didn’t write all of those attributes in the ad. The ad simply read, “Beautiful townhouse basement efficiency. Lots of light, fireplace.” But I kept my real wish list handy. I regarded it as a prayer that the universe was in the process of answering. For years this was how I’d attracted many things to my life and I believed in its power. In prior ads for housemates, I had always written “female only” but as I completed the ad I realized immediately that I was to leave the gender open. And so this time I did not specify. I placed the ad and returned to my morning meditation. As I finished, a strong desire came over me that told me, you are ready to meet your life partner. I pulled out my “Ideal Mate Wish” list and read it over. It was then I remembered a technique I’d just learned from my spiritual coach Barbara: if you want something, simply command the universe to deliver it. Before I had a chance to second guess myself, I stood up and, pointing my finger to the ground, shouted in my most commanding voice, “Bring my life partner to me and bring him NOW!!” I felt a sudden rush of energy and smiled. That felt good! Mind you, I did not connect the newspaper ad with the command I’d just issued. The universe apparently had other ideas. Four hours later the phone rang. I didn’t recognize caller ID, and realized the ad must have already posted on the internet. When I picked up the phone a man’s voice offered a cheery “Hi! My name is Daniel--I’m calling about the ad for your efficiency!” His voice sounded strangely familiar, but it was no one I knew. That evening I showed the place to an older Indian woman who was quite depressed over the recent loss of her husband, and I knew that was not a good match for me. Daniel showed up on the heels of her leaving and could barely wait to get in the door. We sat at my dining room table and discussed what each of us was seeking. Our connection was effortless. He was 6 years younger than I. He had been on a spiritual path for much of his adult life and was in a men’s group. Like me, he had also lived in India. He adored animals. He was kind. He was also an athlete – a competitive cyclist as well as runner and hiker. He was also lean and muscular and handsome. When I showed him the efficiency, he noticed my cross country skis under the stairwell and asked if I skied. “I love to cross-country ski, and I’ve always wanted to do it while camping out,” I replied. He just looked at me and shook his head in disbelief. The longer we talked, the more we found in common – we liked cooking, we liked traveling, we liked reading, we were both inclined to be introverts, we were both artists of one sort or another. Like my Dad, Daniel was also a superb photographer, which I greatly admired. He loved all kinds of music (something that was very important to me), from classical to country to bluegrass, blues, opera, rock – you name it. There was obviously some strong energy at work here. I took his application and in the following week performed due diligence before deciding to accept him as my new housemate. He was everything I was seeking in a roommate and more. The day before he moved in he asked if we could go running together. Because of my knee injury (from running) we went swimming instead and began getting to know each other on a deep level. Despite the strong attraction and probably because of it, we agreed to postpone becoming physically intimate. We needed to get our bearings. The year before I met Daniel, a psychic consultant told me that, shortly after my father died, he would find a partner for me (I think my father had become impatient with my selection process!) Dad certainly hadn’t wasted any time. Not only is Daniel a carpenter (and like my Dad, an engineer) par excellence, he also is the only man I have ever dated who uses toothpicks, something my father was known for. The first week he was here I found toothpicks everywhere: my father’s calling card, I realized! My therapist had long encouraged me to create a loving, nurturing home for myself before trying to partner with someone else. “Once you do, your partner will find you, settled squarely in your own life and he will fit in easily,” she assured me. Little did I know. My thin threads were my impulsive decision to keep the gender of my future housemate open and on the spur of the moment, to command the universe to bring my partner to me NOW! I feel as though I got a “two-for-one” deal from the universe who apparently values efficiency (no pun intended) as much as I. Living with Daniel is one of the easiest things I’ve ever done. We mesh perfectly. We are soul mates and still shake our heads in awe at our relationship. He feels deeply connected to my father whose energy permeates our relationship. Along with that, everything in my house is fixed! Something else makes me grin. On my mate wish list I had written squarely, “Will not have to travel to find him.” I certainly don’t, just a short trip downstairs! Comment on this story on our public message board |
